Last Day at Uni

Long live all the magic we made

I walked out of the house today at 7 am for a 9 am presentation. It was the last presentation I would give to the panel of professors at my uni. Four years of meeting people, endless assignments and tests would come to an end after a few fleeting hours.

It did not hit me then but it was an important timestamp in my life- the last day of my uni. Everyone says that these are the fondest years of your life but even as I was walking through those hallways for the last time, I did not quite understand the gravity of it.

It is now exactly thirty seven minutes past six pm and I have been home for thirty minutes. My head is full of bright flashes, vintage polaroids and technicolour supercut of live moments I can’t believe I experienced in real life. It’s crazy how I was an alive, functional part of such a long string of diverse events. A portion of them sequentially planned and a load of them high energy and impulsive.

Reflecting back on everything that was, I try to take a deep dive inside my head. I try to pull out a few memories to neatly categorise them, trying to form distinct sets of memories based on who they were with, how they felt and what was happening in them. This process is anything but clean and organised. It doesn’t surprise me, After all memories are supposed to be a blend of different moments with everything merging into each other. It’s like colouring outside of lines and having all the colours bleed into each other to form the most unexpected illustrations.

The good, the bad and the ugly

Thinking about it, I wouldn’t say any particular memory was bad or good, all of them just very important. The good was originated from the bad and the bad faded into something good. Everything was very pale and bright at the same time. I had a lot of firsts that I never imagined would feel the way they did. I stepped into a lot of different roles I never thought I would be a fit for. I was a witness as well as a subject in different stories of everybody’s lives. I forged some very important relationships over time. Even the ones I had to let go brought something new into my life. The love and friendships I knew were a culmination of a lot of holding on and letting go.

I had to let go of a friend just my second semester in. I formed five new friends following that. It took me facing my fear, putting myself out there, giving new bonds a shot to gain those friends. I had to spend long moments in isolation too. This one broken friendship taught me the importance of valuing yourself. The new ones taught me the beauty of trying things and embracing change.

I had to let go of another one in my fourth semester, This one felt lighter. It taught me love and support because I had other people to fall back on. The people around me made everything feel softer and kind. They never made me small for needing them.

Two of the friends I grew really close to, I met them unexpectedly . These friendships came to me with luck and ease. They welcomed me into their lives as if they were always holding space for me.

I had one romantic break up too. At times I still feel hurt and enraged but it taught me the complexity of relationships. I discovered what love truly means. It took me about six months of feeling really insignificant, stupid and unimportant about my big feelings to slowly start healing. I still struggle with having a “not so skewed” idea about relationships but, I also have a better idea about what things I value and need in a romantic partner. I never told anyone about how I felt navigating through those feelings, mostly because I needed my own time to deal with the gravity of them but everyone unknowingly helped me. Their unconditional kindness gave me a place to go to when I felt hurt and alone.

I managed a whole uni event and led a really big, important project. I faced discomfort and fears in doing that but, I also welcomed them with grace. They were important too. I gained confidence and self belief in different phases of my life. Everything was a whirlwind of change. My academic records kept on changing too. I worked hard and also, I slacked. It was a journey in itself.

All these years and experiences ended with one final presentation.

If there’s one thing I have learned from these years, it’s that life is ever-changing, and people come and go—letting go is how we move forward. It is a long journey, mistakes are bound to happen. Be open to them.

Living in this world comes with the best and the worst experiences, sometimes both of them together. Always listen to your heart. It’s a small part of your body but it takes the most courage and bravery to follow it.

Face the truths, the good and the bad. Be honest with yourself. All the answers are within you, discover them, they will be found